Ah! Real Estate

Unlike the States, the real estate market in Dubai is posting double digit gains per quarter. Yeah, I said per quarter. And not ten and fifteen percent gains, forty percent. The price of housing in Dubai jumped 40% from the last quarter of 2007 to the first quarter of 2008. Which brings me to my topic. Looking for another villa. Rentals prices in the emirate are climbing at a daily rate. You have to call on a villa to rent expecting the landlord to raise the price Dhs 5000 just because he knows you are desperate.

We have been living in our current villa for two years. The first year's rent was Dhs 140,000, about $38,000. Two years later the same villa is renting for Dhs 260,000, about $70,000. Adding to the problem of skyrocketing prices is the housing shortage in Dubai. If you want to live in a warren of high rise apartment blocks, you have your pick of apartments. They are outrageously expensive, but at least they exist. Unfortunately if you aren't one of the single people who only have one car and no kids, an apartment isn't going to provide the best lifestyle for your family. It was with this knowledge that I went out villa hunting a week ago. From my experience when I rented our first villa I knew that I needed to have my checkbook in my hand if, on the slight chance, I found something. When you do actually drive past a villa with a for rent sign on it you park in the car port, take down the agents sign and sit in your car on the cell phone until you reach the him. If someone does come by looking at the villa while you are waiting, you lie to them and tell them that you have already rented it and to move along quickly. When you do finally get a hold of the agent, who usually doesn't answer his phone, then you ask desperately if it's still available. This is his clue to raise the rent by Dhs 5000. If it is you tell the agent that you want it and tell him that you will be at the office immediately to write him a deposit check. There is no, "I'd like to think about it." or "Can I get you the deposit tomorrow?" or "My wife would like to look at it." If you want the place you better be prepared to slap money down on it now. (Just as an aside, they will throw you in the clink here for bouncing a check, not for writing a series of bad checks, for bouncing a check. There's no overdraft protection or bounced check fee here, unless you count bail. So you better have the cash in the bank, and be sure of it.) So you impress upon the real estate agent that you want the place and you are in the car now speeding down Sheikh Zayed, road breaking the law talking to him on the cell phone while you do so. This will show him you are a "serious buyer." I like to add "I'll stab you in the neck if you give the place to anybody else" just to seal the deal.

So you find yourself screaming down Sheikh Zayed road, alternately slamming on the brakes and the accelerator as you go past the speed cameras. Racing against time and the other guy that's headed to the agents office to offer the landlord Dhs 5000 more than you to steal the villa out from under you. You know you have to get there before him because you will forced to commit murder if you don't get this villa. By some miracle no mini-bus driver has rolled his bus over on the road spewing his 14 passengers all over the highway causing a 4 hour, 30 kilometer tailback. You arrive at the agents office before anyone else, with your check book in hand, short of breath. Or you think you do. Now you've got to park. You retain the option of parking on the sidewalk as a last resort. You'll risk a Dhs 250 parking ticket if you have to. You already risked your life breaking all the rules of the road and common sense to get here, a parking ticket doesn't even register. The first three spots you find are 75% free. The remaining 25% is taken up by some moron who can't seem to figure out how to pull a Land Rover into a parking space straight. You pull away knowing you don't have time to let the air out of his tires. You also know that the bone head would drive for thirty kilometers before he realized he had flat tires. You find a spot a little ways down the road which, for Dubai, isn't actually that bad. You calculate that you can cross the street and walk to the office before sweat starts soaking your clothes. You spend about five minutes crawling through the car looking for that elusive 1 dirham coin to feed the meter with so you won't get another one of those annoying Dhs 250 parking tickets. A dirham is worth about 28 U.S. cents. Hardly even worth the bother of putting it in the machine. But the ironically named Roads and Transport Authority requires it. After searching all the usual spot you find one under a pile of old McDonald's french fries. Excellent. Let's go. You find the meter, slam your dirham in, get your ticket which gets smudged by the sweat that has dripped off your nose. You rush back to the car to put the slip on the dashboard and now you realize that fate has dealt you a fatal blow. Your on the wrong side of the road. Crossing the road, any road, in Dubai is a life changing experience. I read the fine print on my life insurance policy and it specifically excludes and payment for death or dismemberment caused by crossing a road in Dubai. But you need that villa and that guy on the other pavement is going to beat you out of it if you don't get to the agents office before him. (You have begun to suspect everyone.) Therefore you do something your mother told you not to do and you run into traffic. Trusting the Paki driving the laborer bus to decide not to hit you in time. Oh, he'll see you with plenty of time, he just needs to decide not to hit you in time to do something about it. There is a difference. And his choice isn't always clear. Luckily you make it across the street alive and to the agents office in time. No one has offered him more money, the landlord hasn't decided to move in himself and the agent hasn't raised his fee to 15%. Everything is working out as planned, whew. With hands shaking from excitement at the chance of being taken advantage of, you write out the deposit. Now you can settle back in your chair and relax. Then the agent asks you "So when will you have the rent check?"

Welcome to Dubai.